Thursday morning as I looked into the rear view mirror, I caught a glimpse of the future–not what I have passed on the road but what I will be looking forward to. I was filled with a bit of ache in my heart.
Alex and Joseph sat in the back seat white shirts, black ties…all ready for FLAME‘s dress rehearsal…formal concert attire this year. There they were so serious, looking so handsome and yet the night before there was sword play and wrestling in the grass with a friend. What I saw this morning were not my little boys -but my 11 year olds on the brink of becoming young men. And perhaps the ache came from wanting to hold time just a bit. Hold their innocence. Hold onto their boyhood. And yet I have so much to look forward to in the years to come.
It is interesting that several months ago Alex came to me and asked if he could still call me mommy. I immediately thought some one had made fun of him but he said that he was just wondering. It was like calling me mom was a rite of passage that happened at a certain prescribed time. After that conversation he called me mom for a few days and then went back to mommy. But recently I have become Mom again and Andy has become Dad. This time the change is permanent. (I asked.)
What I saw in the mirror was a bit of maturity, still mingling with the boy, and I look forward to mentoring in a new way. I look forward to seeing Alex and Joseph blossom and begin to walk into their callings. I look forward to the new relationship that we will have even though it is hard to say goodbye to my little boys.